Thursday, September 27, 2012


A man, completely naked save for being covered in cling wrap, walks into his psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist takes one look at the man and proclaims, "I can clearly see your nuts."

Jokes aside, I'm here to talk about being naked. Not in a pornographic, bow-chicka-wow, ready to get down to doin' the nasty sort of way, but simply just being in a state of wearing no clothing.

Which brings to mind a series of questions and suggestions. When was the last time (besides getting some action) that you were naked? In the shower, perhaps? Did you immediately get dressed after the shower? Did you remain naked for any length of time after the shower? There are other questions that warrant being asked. Questions like, "do you sleep naked," "do you walk around the house naked," or "do anything naked outside of showering or sex?"

Not that any of these questions truly require answers. Share if you want, but they're really posed to make you think. They are of a mildly personal nature, so no worries if you keep things to yourself. Coming across as a creepy pervert was never intended.

I'm more intent on opening up discussion on the topic, for several reasons. One of the reasons being is that in recent years I haven't found enough time to be naked, other than sleeping and washing. Circumstances led me to choosing to live at home with parents for a time, and circumstances have - recently - made it a necessity. Not really interested in explaining to them my desire to be naked, I grin and tolerate a more clothed period of my life.

For the record, I don't consider myself a "nudist" or "naturist" by any means. Yes, I've been to resorts, but "nudist" is a label which some may try to place on me and I shun such labels. I simply find it more comfortable and enjoyable to not wear anything. Also, as enjoyable being naked outdoors might be, I feel no strong desire to go out of my way to be naked in public. I have no qualms about seeing others naked, nor being naked in front of others, but I've never felt compelled to organize naked events. Again, to reiterate, I just enjoy being naked.

Recently, I had a dream in which I rocked it with naught but a smile on my face and the breeze on my backside. The result of this dream invigorated my desire to be in the buff. Previously thinking myself not needing to be nude, it's now quite the contrary. I desperately miss spending more time naked. Even to the point I'd consider a resort in the near future, warmer weather permitting. 

Some may wonder why I want to live a more exposed lifestyle, and it's not always make them understand. Simple to explain, but not so easy in the understanding. I'll try to make myself clear.

NOT something I need to do nude.
Things I'd do naked, if it were more of an option: 
- read
- lay around
- feed the dog
- sit on the porch and drink a beer
- play video games
- go for a walk (legality and locale depending)

Get the picture? It doesn't matter what I'd do, it's just a matter of feeling more at ease and relaxed. Not that I'd force it on my friends, and there's also matters of safety to consider. For example, you won't see me roller blading without clothing and protective gear any time soon. Likewise, when the temps drop, I'm going to bundle up as much as the next person.

Relating to an earlier blog, I find it therapeutic and enhancing of meditation. Depending on the goals of meditation, being naked can really expose the body and mind to a variety of stimuli. You become more aware of changes in temperature and of the force of the wind, if outside. 

I do this all the time too!
Contributing to it's therapeutic effect, when naked there is no chance of feeling restricted or bothered by clothes. Not that I don't need to lose a few pounds, but my wardrobe has been ill-fitting for some time. Drop my draws and it's on like Donkey Kong! Long have I heard women can't wait to get home to take off their bras, so I know it can't be too hard to understand. Also, when cold at night, add more blankets and remove clothing. You'll stay warmer that way.

Addressing a prudish view of nudity, there is a belief that nudity equals sex, which is far from the case. Being naked may expose our sex organs, but just by taking off my clothes doesn't inherently mean a person wants sex. Using my own views as an example, I get more aroused by a woman in various stages of undress than when she is entirely naked. Think of strip clubs: how enticing would it be for the women to just stand on stage naked without the dancing or an undressing? My point is, arousal is more situational, requiring a building up process. Foreplay or pheromones, there is more to sex than just being naked. 

Dare to Bare, my Andy-villians! I'll go about my business and do my thing, and you shall do yours. Think I'm gross, weird, or a perv, then so be it.

While not "me," it isn't too far from my nude reality.

I'm tired (I choose)...

Not sure what I wanted to title this blog. It's true that I'm tired, but of what really? Many things drain me, leaving me feeling devoid of energy and lacking the necessary will propel myself forward. I've tried fooling myself, before, by thinking that I'm existing in the present. While I definitely am existing in the present, I would say it's far from living, which is what a growing, maturing entity does when they are further up on the hierarchy of needs, as put down my Maslow. I move through day-by-day motions, spend time with my Special Lady Friend, and allow things to happen to me. Not wanting many of these things to happen to me, but, alas, I have no energy. 

Borrowing the quote, "you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one," I seek to express where I think I am (transitioning to "was") in life. My focus has been so intensely focused on the past couple years that I have been unable to see my current as anything but an extension of what had recently come to pass. It's simple to let it happen. I began to fear my own actions, thinking no matter what I did would end up being the wrong move. Inaction proved to be a harmful as well, seeing that my failure to act resulted in things biting me in the ass, things that could have been prevented.

I'm tired of looking in the past with so much disdain. I'm tired of wallowing in my damned, olympic sized pool of pity. I'm tired of having so much fear that my actions will result in failure. I'm tired of being...well...tired, physically and mentally.

Thirty-two years old, and I have the aches and pains of someone much older. God Heaven forbid I bring a child into this world in my state. I'd have a stroke before the kid reached the double digits. I can't even walk up the stairs to my girlfriend's apartment without feeling exhausted, albeit mildly. The general weakness contributes (I'm sure) to a weakened immune system, which adds to the overall malaise that typifies my day. And this is just the physical of which I complain. The mental weights are holding me down, which only exacerbates the whole situation.

Of course, it's almost a situation of which came first: the chicken or the egg. In this example, however, it's what came first: the physical sickness or the mental sickness? Not that it truly matters, at least not as far as I'm concerned. Changes have to be made, and the body isn't going to move itself without the mind. Now that I think about it, it is the mind's fault that I'm as far down as I've found myself now. By default, it's the mind's responsibility to move first in order to make any changes. I have to make the "choice" to move forward and keep my gaze that way as well. Start living rather than just existing. 

I choose to re-embrace meditation. So often, meditation has proven to calm me down and clarify my thoughts. Nearly everything should be meditated upon from here on out. That way, it'll be thinking of things several times over. Not to say I won't meditate just to relax. Sometimes just breathing and being aware of my own stillness is rejuvenating enough.

I choose to take a more proactive approach to my own health. In areas of food, I want to ingest better things, healthier things for me. I will be careful not to dwell on my lapses too much. This desire to avoid focusing on failures extends to physical exercise as well. My activity levels must increase if I want to live a great deal longer than I likely will if things remain unchanged. Too often I start a program only to abandon it, and while a "first step" is always necessary, so is a second step and beyond equally necessary.

I choose to begin living up to the quotes on my arm. I will start everyday off with a smile, and get it over with. I will - smaller steps at first - be the change I wish to see in the world. I will remember a beloved Seussism; "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is nobody alive that is youer than you." These words will help me find empowerment to make good on my earlier stated choices.

Drawing this to a close, I'll add that it's a return to positivity I desire. Not that I wholly want to ignore the bad, or forget, but I want to be free of the mental prison which I, and life, has constructed around me. I want to develop, to progress mentally, physically and spiritually. I want to become a person that feels worthy of his own love, and of the love given him by others.


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Ruminations on God and Faith

This blog began a short time ago as a status update in which I wanted to express certain thoughts and ideas. It soon became so much more than a few simple lines, and I felt it necessary to move it here instead. Hopefully it doesn't bore you to pieces or make you hate me. If it does, however, then so be it.

Having a relationship with, having faith in, God is often a troubling thing. On one hand, I know that were we to meet face-to-face (as much as one really can meet him/her/it face-to-face anyway), I will be humbled in the presence of such a powerful being; filled with awe, but not fearful as many might suggest. There are so many questions I have and too many problems with God's actions to just complacently open my heart and mind. Comparing God to our parent(s), do we open our hearts unconditionally to them, even if we can't reconcile to certain perceived affronts or evils perpetrated by them?

Many would provide arguments, for and against God, and to them I say, go right ahead. Cite scripture and tell me where I am wrong. Point out the fallacies of having faith in God. Tell me how I need to open my heart and submit. Give me a proverbial road map to spirituality. Most words will fall on mildly deaf ears, though not deaf ears due to an unwillingness to learn.

I have entered into a relationship with God, a sort of covenant, if you will. I will come to him, not as a subservient individual, but as a near equal. Not equal in the sense that I can create material things or will things into existence, but in the same way that, with my limited sphere of influence, I can affect change and inspire people to greater things. It is within my power - through understanding, compassion, and love - to example for people how best to live alongside our brothers and sisters. In that way do I see us (God and myself) as equals.

Cry out, "but Andy, you've got it all wrong! You make too many mistakes or you're not nearly as wise as the Lord God." I argue that God has achieved wisdom through meditation over the years, and through trial and error. It's apparent that he has changed his mind on many issues over the years, and that his love and patience have increased as a result.

The Book of Genesis details a simple truth: we were made in his image and likeness, men and women both. Not in a physical way, but in a metaphysical and very emotional way. Whatever he is mentally and emotionally capable of, so are we. The very nature of this belief provides an explanation beyond a simple thinking of "we look like God." I believe, it suggests that "God (also) looks like us." We're so perfect a reflection that whatever we are capable of, so is he as well. Read the old testament if you disagree with me, and take note the number of times he smites us out of disappointment or anger at violation of his commandments.

But it's not all anger and smiting (I love that word); he has matured since then, grown more patient and tolerant. Relating to an earlier statement I made, that his love and patience have increased, I only view these changes as confirmations of my beliefs.

If you seek to prove me wrong, by all means try, but don't be prepared for any real debate; in most cases I only participate to learn, with no real intent to change others' ways of thinking. Maybe I am wrong, and maybe I'm so far from the path that I shall never attain salvation. If that's the case, however, then I'm okay with the alternative. I'd rather burn for my beliefs than be rewarded for not being true to myself.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Monday Morning Musings...

Morning my Andyvillians! I bring to you tidings of the goings on in my world and that of the world immediately surrounding yours truly. Yes, it's a little early in the AM as I type this, but I'm inspired to creativity as I watch the rolling credits of a particularly stellar film - The Fountain. Just how many times I've watched this film is beyond me, but know that it seduced it's way into my Top 10 before I'd even finished watching it. As it continues to grow on me, it stands a chance of eventually displacing The Big Lebowski as my numero uno film of all time.

Pretty, isn't it? Image from the film via Google.
During one of my last ventures in writing, I really let loose a number of negative emotions concerning a number of issues that have been really weighing me down and fostering a sense of hopelessness in life. The particular issue on my mind as I type is the change in employment status. In the parlance of idiots with little grammatical ability: i gotz uh job! Not just any job either, though nor is it my dream job. It was an opportunity to work with troubled youth, which is closely associated with my career wishes for the future. Having come across the position early in the summer, I quickly became excited, though as it became less likely I would be hired, I began to lose hope. Even after an initial, very positive interview, I still had little cause to feel positive.

Rest at ease my chickadees, my fears concerning the position had proven to be misplaced as I was offered the job and have since been working for nigh on two weeks. Feeling very gainfully employed at this point, I can now turn my thoughts to other issues that need amending before I can resume my position as the ridiculously happy turd that annoys others with his optimism. School issues, relationship issues, and issues of a more or less serious natures. 

Something recent: I've been been feeling a bit melancholy concerning the change in status of friend - ships. Without pointing fingers, as rarely is it ever one-sided, I've been watching a friend with whom I was extremely close during high school and for the majority of the years since high school. He's doing his own thing and I'm doing mine, but I believe that I'm feeling it more acutely than he is, that he doesn't care about the change. Not that I haven't tried to remain friends, but I wonder if I've tried hard enough or not. Maybe I'll write more on this topic soon, because it doesn't apply solely to the individual on my mind right now, but he's the most relevant to the topic. 

For some odd reason I'm in the mood to throw in Casino Royale and watch Daniel Craig throw down as a more hardcore Bond. Until next time...

Why? Because it's fucking sweet!